Being me is difficult in the glaring light of first awakening. As though my dreams/nightmares were a road trip I am, in an instant, returned to the body that is my prison. I cannot escape me. I rise and continue on my journey.

I balk at opportunities to move myself forward, not because I do not want to go but because I fear the unknown. I show up every week for therapy vowing to be more diligent with my homework. I feel the surge of resolve and energy flowing freely in my veins. “I can do this!” I proclaim with pride and hope and joy roiling inside of me. I go home and procrastinate. “I’ll do it later.” “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

I have lived on an emotional roller-coaster for about 90% of my life. I crash and burn, get to my feet and repeat. Am I capable of change? Who will I be then? All my learned behaviors and coping skills that kept me above ground will become excess baggage to be discarded.

I believe DBT will be a game-changer. I now must believe in me.