No one and nothing can change the past. It is done. Accept. See it for what it is. Examine it for errors in perception, context, and lingering effects in the aftermath. Learn from it. Change what can be changed. Let it go.

Denial gets us nowhere but stuck. We must know who we are for any progress to be achieved. Do not let people tell you it is easy to let go. Pay no attention when someone says you can just put it behind and be happy. The inability to accomplish that simple sounding advice will feel like weakness and stupidity, just another broken part of us.

And never let someone else deny your reality. When people deny your memories it will likely be because your memory reflects badly on them and they are afraid of what your memories will reveal. Or perhaps their own cloak of denial is pulled back and they cannot face it.

It takes courage to face reality. It sometimes takes more than all the courage you think you can muster, but from some place deep inside courage and hope and determination come.

For every one person on a journey to recovery, I sometimes think there must be ten people who will shoot you down. Perhaps that is my perception after the experience with my family of origin as they are many in denial.

Learn. Be teachable. Life is one long series of lessons. Embrace them. Move forward.

Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional. One of my favorite quotes from my years in AA meetings is “There is pain in change and there is pain in staying the same. Choose the one that moves you forward.” I have tried always to move forward, I did not understand what things were blocking my progress.

I am 66 years old. It does not matter. I learn and improve every day that I try. Seems unfair to be having to work at fixing me so late in life, but this is what early and severe trauma does. It changes the mind. I have to live with that. Now I am creating a life I can be at peace with and even enjoy.