“The elementary self system in the brain stem and limbic system is massively activated when people are faced with the threat of annihilation, which results in an overwhelming sense of fear and terror accompanied by intense physiological arousal. To people who are reliving a trauma, nothing makes sense; they are trapped in a life-or-death situation, a state of paralyzing fear or blind rage. Mind and body are constantly aroused, as if they are in imminent danger. They startle in response to the slightest noises and are frustrated by small irritations. Their sleep is chronically disturbed, and food often loses its sensual pleasures. This in turn can trigger desperate attempts to shut those feelings down by freezing and dissociation.11
How do people regain control when their animal brains are stuck in a fight for survival? If what goes on deep inside our animal brains dictates how we feel, and if our body sensations are orchestrated by subcortical (subconscious) brain structures, how much control over them can we actually have?” The Body Keeps the Score Bessel Van Der Kolk
It turns out that mindfulness, meditation, and yoga are all helpful in gaining control.
Who knew?
I didn’t know. I can only imagine what other people felt when I went into fight or flight mode. I did not see because I was “out” of my mind.
How many times have my emotions taken center stage while casting the rational mind aside leaving me afterward hating myself for not being able to “control myself” thinking I was just weak and stupid? How many times did I commit myself to hospitals because I needed a “safe” place to feel the decades of triggered memories that threatened to consume me?
Of course, there are those who insist I had a terrific childhood, but they were not there, or in some cases they are flat out lying.
But I have not or ever shall live the life of a little girl untraumatized.
I think about the children who are punished, arrested, man-handled because they are out of control. What traumatized them? What memories are they reliving.
There is much being done to help children but there are so many who will think a beating on the butte will straighten the kids up. Just what they need, more trauma.
I get that people do not want to know how wide spread sexual, physical, and verbal abuse is by the families of these children. Do you think for a moment I want to know? I lived it and lived it and lived it. There was no escape.
But while people turn their heads and walk away, the children are left to deal with it whatever way they can. For me, I set out to please everyone, agree with everyone, played a doormat for all, and spent years in my mind dreaming of a nice elderly couple coming along and adopting and loving me. I spent a lot of time with my imaginary parents, and a lot of time out of reality.
I’m a little sad because I am sick with a cold or something and my regular routine is disrupted, as are my thoughts. But I felt a need to reach out. Will be back on track soon.
The Road Forward 