“Initiation, intimidation, stigmatization, isolation, helplessness and self-blame

depend on a terrifying reality of child sexual abuse. . . . “Don’t

worry about things like that; that could never happen in our family.”

“How could you ever think of such a terrible thing?” “Don’t let me ever

hear you say anything like that again!” The average child never asks

and never tells.”

—Roland Summit The Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome

I have two nieces who were assaulted by one of their uncles. One of them died a number of years ago. The other girl has a mother who brags that her daughter would never LET anyone do that to her. Yet she was raped in the military and assaulted by a favorite uncle who is adored by her mother and a frequent visitor.

No victim LETS themselves be raped or sexually abused and people who think they would have some magic power to stop it are ignorant of the facts.

Victims blame themselves. We don’t need other people heaping on more blame.

All perpetrators are at sometime a member of someones family, and when people say it can’t happen in my family, again, they are ignorant of the facts. Families are the greatest protectors of sexual predators.

Family is a main cause of re-abuse of the victim. The victim is shamed, accused of making up atrocious stories, and ultimately silenced, that is, IF he/she ever tries to get help.

I am not responsible for my nieces being assaulted by my brother. He was a grown man and fully capable of not assaulting those girls. But he was one of my nightmares growing up and when I threatened him off he went after our sister. I blamed myself. But I cannot to this day figure out how I could have stopped it. I had not as yet told, I felt I was on my own guarding me from this person.

Who could have done something? The family. After Valerie, with much wailing and desperation, tried to get help, she was soon convinced that nothing happened and thereafter silenced. Like all good little victims.

Our brother went on to harm others.

Family, with their combination of disbelief and determination to cover up and protect the perpetrators, have been my most ardent re-abusers. They figuratively tore me limb from limb in order to hide the fact that our family reeked of incest.